1) That’ll be the day when I hear a better tease than “… coming up next Coldplay!”
It's a bird, It's a plane... it's soaring pork roast!
Oh please don’t tease me like that. You know I get so emotional when you leave me with something so tempting as what band is coming up next. Coldplay changes everything! …Right?
2) When someone doesn’t waste my time with the enticement of 40 minutes of non-stop (whatever).
Oh boy 40 minutes non-stop? a) Forty minutes of what? Will I like it? b) I once went 7 1/2 hours of non-stop on my iPod before the battery gave out… so I’m not impressed.
3) When I can find an HD radio in a rent a car.
I’m watching the WiMAX network being propagated around my city as I speak. I figure by next year I’ll be driving around Salt Lake City listening to X-FM in London like it’s local! By the way the bit rate is better than 96 kbps.
4) When I find an Alternative music station that plays more than 28% new music.
I guess we now know what Alternative means. It means the Alternative to new music. Nice job.
5) When I hear more than 3 out of the 100 or so Alternative stations that don’t sound like KROQ.
Yea, good one emulating something that sounded interesting like errr… 10 years ago. OK, now I’m really starting to get salty.
6) When I meet a programmer who wants to go for long yardage instead of a running play for 2 yards.
I talk to a lot of people who are so afraid of failure that they leave no room for the attempt at success. I’m getting a little red in the face now. This isn’t a job it’s a crusade!
7) When I hear an Alternative station that’s hummable, NOW and melodic.
Oh man, don’t get me started!!!! Yes, I can hum with Nirvana but I long since found myself wanting to.
That I hear an announcer give me a compelling reason why the new song they’re about to play is a must listen.
The DJ has three main jobs. 1) Make the bridge between content and spots seamless. 2) Entertain. 3) Give a reason and passion to the content they provide. Too many times I hear blah blah blah with no concern for the DJs main charge.
9) When I hear a station that doesn’t play Even Flow, Smells Like Teen Spirit and What I Got, every 18 hours.
I am totally baffled how grunge songs from the early 90s have anything to do with Death Cab, Raconteurs or Spoon. If Top 40, Urban or Rhythmic conducted themselves this way, they’d find themselves planted in the mid pack ratings with most of the Alternative station’s out there.
And finally…
10) When I hear an Alternative station that sounds alluringly dangerous!
Just about everything out there sounds like the audio equivalent of a child running up and down the isles of Walmart holding children’s safety scissors! Somebody out there do the right wrong thing, the a little scary thing or the thing that James Bond would do at the beginning sequence or the climax of the 007 movie.
It’s now a race between radio and pigs with wings. I pick the pig to evolve before we do.
